Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 8
That was something she had to keep from him. No one was going to intrude in her life any longer, make decisions for her, tell her what to do. She’d had enough of that; she wasn’t going to take it anymore.
“This is kidnapping, you know.”
Ryder shot her a speaking glance, then returned his eyes to the road, watching for the restaurant he’d spotted earlier on his way back from the ranch. The quiet stretched out between them until it felt like a band of steel about to snap under pressure.
She’d made it plain she wanted nothing more to do with him. That irritated the hell out him. He’d spent the night with her, made love with her until he was worn out from the pleasure of it, and she wanted him to leave her alone. Hell, to her he’d been a one-night stand.
He took Route 277 and headed for Sonora, where he eventually turned into the driveway of a quaint restaurant on the outskirts of town.
“Have you been here before?” he asked conversationally.
Ashley shook her head, then tucked a loose strand of hair back into her braid. “I haven’t been out of Rocksprings since the day I arrived.” She didn’t admit it, but she’d avoided going anywhere near Sonora where she’d first met him. She hadn’t wanted to chance running into him.
“Then let’s investigate this place and see if the prime rib is as good as they claim.” He got out of the truck and shut the door.
Ashley didn’t wait for him to get her door. She got out and met him in front of the truck.
Inside, the restaurant was busy, but not noisy. The hostess seated them in a booth in the back. Ashley sat across from him, needing the distance the table provided. The waitress stopped by their table and offered to take their drink order.
Ryder ordered a beer, then looked to Ashley for her request.
“Iced tea,” she told the waitress.
Ryder smiled, then ordered an iced tea along with his beer. The waitress gave them menus and left.
“Abstaining from alcohol,” he commented with a smile, unable to resist teasing her a bit.
“After what happened last time, I don’t care if I ever drink alcohol again,” Ashley confessed, her face heating.
Ryder sobered, taking her barb personally. “It wasn’t all bad, was it?”
“No.” Ashley didn’t want him to think that she hated him. After all, she’d been the aggressor that night, not Ryder. But she didn’t want him to know how good he’d made her feel, either.
“Thank you for that,” Ryder replied, though he took little solace from her words. It was clear that she wanted him out of her life. But nagging at the back of his mind was how she’d responded when he’d kissed her earlier. He sat back in his seat and looked at her. “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”
“‘I don’t know why it’s so important for you to know,” she answered, “but if that’s what it’ll take to satisfy you, well...” She shrugged and was silent a moment.
“That’s hardly what it’ll take to satisfy me,” Ryder told her. He raised an eyebrow, his expression suggestive.
Ashley ignored his innuendo. “You know my name and who my father is.”
Ryder nodded. “I’ve heard he’s a tough old bastard,” he said bluntly. He’d never done business with the man, but had heard from business acquaintances that Jacob Bennett was a hard-as-nails businessman who took a hell of a lot more than he gave.
Ashley’s lips tightened. “That’s putting it nicely. I once heard him say that he’d only had a child because my mother begged him, and then he’d resented the fact that I was a girl. He never had very much to do with me. Then my mother died, and within a year he remarried. I never really got along with my stepmother, Iris_”
“Was it the typical jealousy kids usually feel when a parent remarries?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I was only six. I thought that my mother had left me because she didn’t love me. I didn’t understand what dying meat No one ever talked to me about it Then all of a sudden I had a stepmother.” She sighed, then started fiddling with her place setting.
“She wasn’t loving like my mother had been. She never hugged me or told me she loved me. She was a very cold woman, very demanding, and I couldn’t seem to do anything to please her. She made me take dancing lessons, but I wasn’t very good. I had to take piano. I hated it, but she made me practice for hours every day. When other kids were out playing with friends, I was kept inside. She seemed to take pleasure in telling me what a disappointment I was to her and my father.”
“And you believed her.”
“Yes. I never had a reason to believe otherwise.” She sighed softly, then continued. “My father was never home. Working, making money, was the only thing he cared about. I’m sure he only remarried so he wouldn’t have to care for me.” She looked away in an effort to gather her resolve. She didn’t want to care about the fact that her father didn’t love her, resented the fact that she did. Baring her soul was humiliating enough without seeing pity in Ryder’s eyes.
“I can’t imagine growing up like that,” Ryder commented, thinking how hard it must have been for her. She’d grown up without love, without happiness. She’d thought her own mother had left her because she wasn’t worthy of loving.
“Not all families are like that,” he told her, wanting her to know it wasn’t her, that she’d had nothing to do with how she was raised. “My parents were just the opposite. They’d loved and nurtured us, made us their whole life.” He looked in her eyes and saw her pain. “It must have been hard to deal with.”
“It was. As I got older, Iris’s demands were even tougher. I couldn’t seem to please her in any way. I had to study all the time to try and make good grades. Even though I always made honor reports, they weren’t even good enough for her.” Ashley shook her head, her expression bitter. “All she did was berate me and accuse me of not trying hard enough to make straight As.”
She paused when the waitress came to take their order. After the young woman left, Ashley continued, “She disapproved of socializing, would never let me have a friend over or let me spend the night out. She didn’t even trust me to go to the shopping mall on my own. I felt like I lived in a prison.”
“You didn’t rebel?”
Ashley’s laugh wasn’t humorous. “Oh, sure I did. But I learned that if I wanted to eat, I’d better do exactly what she wanted.” She’d been locked in her room more than once. She shivered from the memory, then thought of the baby growing inside her. Because she’d been brought up by a mean and hurtful parent, Ashley was determined to be the best mother to her own child, Maybe it wouldn’t have a mother and a father, but she would give it plenty of love. And she would have someone to love her back.
“I’m sorry. I sort of got off track.” She cleared her mind of what she was thinking and went on. “I learned the behavior that kept me out of trouble with her. I didn’t really see a way out of living there. She wouldn’t let me go to college or get a job. She wanted me to marry someone in my class, someone worthy of the Bennett name. That’s when I met Martin, the man I was engaged to.”
She stopped speaking when the waitress brought their food. She hadn’t realized she was hungry until it was put before her. She’d had a few crackers that morning to combat the morning sickness and nothing much else.
Ryder wondered again what part her fiancé played in her life. Obviously they hadn’t been too close or she wouldn’t have been a virgin on the night he’d met her. He wondered if she was still in love with him. Was it this Martin fellow she’d been thinking of when he’d been making love to her? He didn’t like the thought of her with another man and damn well resented the fact that it bothered him.
“What happened after that?” he prompted, needing to know why she’d spent her wedding night in his arms.
Ashley chewed the bite of food in her mouth and swallowed. It was hard to talk about Martin, but not because of her feelings for him. She felt exposed and humiliated. Taking a deep breath, she went on, wanting to get it over with.
“I thought he cared for me. Then I learned the night before I was going to marry him that he and my father had planned the entire courtship and marriage. It had something to do with this big merger between their corporations. Still, I decided to go through with it.” She stuck her fork into a piece of meat while she stared at her plate. “I saw marriage to him as a way out of having to live with Iris.” She was ashamed to admit how desperate she’d been. She looked at Ryder to gauge his thoughts. His expression was serious, his eyes intent as he listened to her speak.
“Why didn’t you go through with the marriage?”
Her stomach in knots, she’d lost what little appetite she’d had. She put her fork and knife across her plate. “I found him in bed with someone else on our wedding day.” Ashley swallowed past the lump in her throat and raised a hand to her cheek. Her face was warm, and she had to take another breath before she could go on.
“I was so shocked. I guess I was naive, too. Believing that he could really care about me.” She’d learned not to expect love from anyone. She shouldn’t have expected fidelity, either.
Tears burned her eyes, and Ashley hated herself for it. She was alone now, and she didn’t need anyone’s love or approval. “That was the last straw, all I could take.” She sat back and looked away. “I took the coward’s way out and left that morning and never went back.”
Ryder reached over and laid his hand on hers. Though she didn’t see it, it was a true test of her character that she’d had the courage to leave. “That was the night we met, the night at the Blue Eagle?” When she nodded, he drew in a deep breath. That was a hell of a lot for anyone to take.
“What about you?” she asked, diverting the conversation from the night they’d spent together. “Why haven’t you ever married? Or are you the footloose and fancy-free type?” He was silent for a moment, as if contemplating his answer. Ashley noticed that his jaw clenched a fraction.
“Marriage isn’t for everyone,” he said quietly, thoughtfully. He stared across the room as if thinking, then admitted grimly, “I made the mistake of getting engaged once. It won’t happen again.”
“I take it that things didn’t work out?” Ashley asked.
His laugh was bitter. “She was a real piece of work. She was sleeping around while we were together,” he admitted blandly. “Then she ran off and married some old coot with money to burn.”
Ashley couldn’t believe any woman in her right mind would ever turn this man loose. “I’m sorry,” she said, for lack of any other words of comfort she could offer.
“Don’t be. Hell, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I was never cut out for marriage and kids. I was lucky to get out of it.”
Ashley let the subject drop and excused herself to go to the bathroom. Ryder watched her walk away, thinking that they both had a lot of emotional baggage. She was wary of men because of her father and the jerk she’d been engaged to. Ariel had taught him never to trust another woman. Ashley had grown up without a family’s love, and though he’d had loving parents, he’d lost them at a very early age. Though a lot of years had passed, it still hurt when he thought of them.
Ryder figured that explained why they were so attracted to each other. Neither of them expected more than a warm body to be with for a while. Neither of them wanted to take a chance on getting emotionally involved.
He watched her as she headed back toward the table. She might not realize it, but she was tougher than she thought. Cutting herself off from the only support she’d ever had, well, it couldn’t have been easy. But she’d done it and, from the way she looked, was taking pretty good care of herself.
Ashley returned to the table a few minutes later. She steered the conversation away from their personal lives and asked Ryder about his family. He told her about his younger sister, Lynn, who had just graduated from high school. He had an older brother, Jake, who had taken care of the family when their parents were killed. He didn’t say what had happened to them and Ashley had the feeling it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about.
Ashley was relieved when it was time to go. She’d felt tense when they’d first arrived, then during the evening, she’d actually enjoyed being with Ryder. He’d been easy to talk to, easy to be with.
She didn’t want to like him. Because he would walk out of her life tonight, which was for the best. She could get on with her plans to raise her child alone.
Ryder led her to the truck, helped her inside, then went around and climbed behind the wheel. Their ride home was quiet, with neither of them saying much. When they arrived at Miss Tilley’s house, Ryder walked her to the door and suggested she invite him in, insisting there were a couple more details he wanted cleared up.
Ashley acquiesced, telling herself she wouldn’t have to see him again after this night. She led him to the parlor and he sat one seat away from her on the floral print sofa.
“Where’s Miss Tilley?” he asked, when it became obvious they were alone.
“Remember? She’s visiting her sister for a couple of days.” Ashley slipped off her shoes and tucked her feet beneath her, more to put a little distance between them than anything else. “Well, what else is it you want to know?” she asked. “I’ve pretty much bared my soul, so there isn’t much left to wonder about.”
Ryder shot her a look, then grinned, his straight white teeth showing just beneath his blond mustache. “How old are you?” he asked.
“You’re kidding, right?”
He shook his head. “I’d like to know if I slept with a woman or a girl.” He paused, eyeing her speculatively. “Are you over eighteen?”
Ashley laughed. “That’s funny. One of the things I vaguely remember about that night was someone calling me jailbait. I was just too sick to say anything.”
“That was Deke,” Ryder told her.
Ashley nodded, a blurry vision of a younger Ryder passing through her mind. “Don’t worry, no one is going to come after you with a shotgun. I’m twenty-two.”
“Twenty-two!”
The relief that came over his expression was priceless, and Ashley laughed again. “You were really worried about that, weren’t you?”
Ryder reached over and toyed with the strand of hair that had once again fallen free of her braid. “We didn’t exactly do a lot of talking that night. I have to admit I’ve lost more than one night’s sleep over your age.”
“Well, you can relax, now that you know the truth.” Ashley caught her breath at his sudden nearness. She told herself to pull away, but was drawn to him instead.
“It is a relief,” he admitted. He moved a little closer to her, close enough to ensnare her with his blue gaze. “There’s something else,” he said, and his voice held quiet concern.
“What?” Ashley asked, her tone a whisper. His nearness was doing strange things to her insides. He let go of her hair, then ran his fingers back and forth across her aim. Heat stole through her.
The silence of the house closed in on them, enveloping them in a cocoon of intimacy. Ashley wanted to move away, but she suddenly wanted his touch, also, as much as that first night she’d been with him. Tom, she remained still, her heart beating hard inside her chest.
“I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t protect you that night. I’m not usually so careless,” he told her quickly. “You don’t have to be afraid that I gave you anything.”
Other than a baby. Ashley’s stomach turned somersaults. Could she pull this off? she wondered. She knew by the way he’d talked about his fiancée that he didn’t want any ties. He’d also said he didn’t want children. To her way of thinking he’d validated her decision not to confess she was carrying his child.
“You know I couldn’t have given you anything, either,” she said, and held her breath.
“You gave me something pretty special,” Ryder whispered, then leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers. He expected her to flinch and draw away, was surprised when she didn’t. Her mouth was warm and tender. God, she was so sweet.
Her taste, her smell, everything about her came at him at once, stirring him, making him want her even more.
He hadn’t forgotten a thing about her. He wanted her naked against him, wanted to feel his body move into hers. His lips moved over hers, caressing them with infinite tenderness. She pulled slightly away, and their breaths mingled, their mouths barely apart.
“Ryder,” she breathed out on a sigh. “Uh, this isn’t a good idea,” she protested weakly, obviously already as turned on as he was.
“It feels like a great idea,” he whispered, planting kisses strategically on her face before he touched his mouth to hers again.
Ashley knew an instant of hesitation before she gave in to his kiss. One more night. She’d take this one night with him, she rationalized. The damage had already been done. What difference could one night make now? her mind taunted.
“Ah, Ashley.” Ryder deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue past her teeth to taste her fully. His hand moved to her rib cage and slid upward, stopping just short of her breasts.
“I remember what it was like between us that night, how good you felt in my arms, how it felt to be inside you. You’ve been like a taunting dream,” he whispered when he lifted his mouth.
Ashley moaned as she leaned toward him and felt his mouth cover hers again. Her body was suddenly on fire. Her mind told her she had to stop this insanity, but she felt his tongue touch hers, and a need, basic and primal, snaked its way through her. Her hands went to his shoulders. Hard and strong, his muscles tensed beneath her touch.
Ryder kissed her deeply, his mouth hungry and searching. His hands went to her breasts and caressed them through the soft fabric of her cotton blouse. The buttons gave way as he opened them swiftly. He unclasped her bra, and her breasts flowed freely into his palms. His fingers caressed her, taking the hardened peaks between them.
Ashley was on fire. She arched and offered herself to him. Ryder kissed first one peak, then the other.
“Darlin’, you’re perfect, just like I remembered,” he whispered. He tasted both mounds with his tongue, sucking one pebble-hard nipple, then the other, until her hips began to move rhythmically. His teeth nipped the tips of her breasts, and she moaned when he took her mouth once again.